Headlines that make me guffaw

Actually, the sound was more like a loud, spontaneous “PFFFFT,” but I don’t think there’s a verb for that.

“Xinhua scoffs at bickering West”

Xinhua News Agency attacked Western democracy as divisive and confrontational and praised the harmony and cooperative nature of the Chinese system on the eve of the congress.

“Unlike competitive, confrontational Western politics, the CPC and non- Communist parties cooperate with each other, working together for the advancement of socialism and striving to improve the people’s standard of living,” it said.

Did you know that there are other parties besides the Communist Party of China (CPC)? Indeed, there are eight: Revolutionary Committee of the Chinese Kuomintang (RCCK); China Democratic League (CDL); China Democratic National Construction Association (CDNCA); China Association for Promoting Democracy (CAPD); Chinese Peasants’ [yes] and Workers’ Democratic Party (CPWDP); China Zhi Gong Party (CZGP); Jiusan Society; and the Taiwan Democratic Self-Governing League (TDSGL).

They compete, of course, in free and fair elections.

Xinhua said that under the leadership of the party, Chinese-style democracy has never been in better shape.

“China has absolutely no need to import the failing party political systems of other countries,” it said.

“After several hundred years, the Western model is showing its age. It is high time for profound reflection on the ills of a doddering democracy which has precipitated so many of the world’s ills and solved so few.”

All snark aside, the potshots at Western democracy aren’t even that far off. It’s just that Chinese state media has a way of phrasing things that’s literally funny. I mean that as a complement.

“Doddering democracy which has precipitated so many of the world’s ills and solved so few” – This is good rhetoric.

Nothing surpasses this description of Britain by the Global Times, though:

The Cameron administration should acknowledge that the UK is not a big power in the eyes of the Chinese. It is just an old European country apt for travel and study. This has gradually become the habitual thought of the Chinese people.

It occurs to me that we may be living through a Golden Age of international trolling.

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